Friday, June 6, 2014

Wheeeee!!! It’s the Last Day of School!!!

Today is the last day of school. It’s not even a half day. It’s like… *mental math fail*… a quarter day. We will say goodbye to the school at 10:30 AM and go straight to Dairy Queen (lunch be darned!) to celebrate the start of our collective easy breezy summer freedom.

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Yesterday there were raisins stuck to the floor, a broken attic fan to deal with, home improvement clutter all over the kitchen and school papers strewn through out the house from classroom cleanup. I was sweaty, sore, and crabby. But today… today is the start of something new. SOMETHING WONDERFUL!!!

My 4 children and I will do so many fun things every day, they will ALL be asleep each night before their precious heads hit the pillow. I believe.

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We will search out every free local activity, museum, and park and enjoy each and every one of them without getting hurt at all.

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I will take the kids to the public library every week where they will select educational grade-appropriate reading material and the occasion rainy-day documentary while being complement-worthy quiet and keeping their hands and feet and teeth to themselves.

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We will hit up the produce market like a well oiled machine with no need to discipline anybody mid-citrus aisle. We will go strawberry picking and no one will fall in the mud or declare that they “just… can’t… hold it…” the moment we park. Also the trip will be faster than going alone because they will all be so helpful!

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We will take daily walks for fresh air and exercise while gathering wild black raspberries and singing songs in rounds and we won’t even encounter any poison ivy (or dinosaurs).

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My 3 year old will potty train himself in 2 days and be able to handle a four hour roadtrip with only one pee break, and that singular stop will happen at an impeccably clean gas station, but he will still decide not to crawl on the floor or lick the partition wall… on principal.

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We will have quiet rest times every day from 1-3 PM. Swimming will happen only after mom has had a sufficient nap.

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I will teach the kids to sew and cook and make their own lunches. They will all listen intently to my instructions and I will not have to treat any burns or clean up any hidden messes from anyone sneaking the cooling baked goods.

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We might even decide that we don’t actually need to avoid biohazard indoor play areas and we will absolutely not get some sort of nasty stomach bug that will ravage the extended family vacation. No way.

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It will always be sunny but no one will ever get sunburned, and the mosquitos will turn into rainbows and unicorns.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Verily, friends, I will be banging on the locked school doors come early-July begging them to take my children back early. However, right now, I am still under the beautiful warm-weather-induced delusion that is, actually, SUMMER. You know? Where the living is easy?

Don’t you dare  tell me anything to the contrary today OR SO HELP ME I WILL TURN THIS BLOG AROUND SO FAST YOUR HEAD WILL SPIN!!!

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Happy Summer “Vacation” to all you fellow moms of school-agers out there! Get earplugs. And rum. Godspeed!

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